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THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
* > > > > > > AGE DRINK
* > > > > > > 17 beer
* > > > > > > 25 bourbon
* > > > > > > 35 vodka
* > > > > > > 48 double vodka
* > > > > > > 66 Maalox
* > > > > > > AGE SEDUCTION LINE
* > > > > > > 17 My parents are away for the weekend.
* > > > > > > 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
* > > > > > > 35 My wife is away for the weekend.
* > > > > > > 48 My wife and children are away for the weekend.
* > > > > > > 66 My second wife is dead.
* > > > > > > AGE FAVORITE SPORT
* > > > > > > 17 sex
* > > > > > > 25 sex
* > > > > > > 35 sex
* > > > > > > 48 sex
* > > > > > > 66 napping and sex
* > > > > > > AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
* > > > > > > 17 "French kissing"
* > > > > > > 25 "breakfast"
* > > > > > > 35 "She didn't set back my therapy."
* > > > > > > 48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."
* > > > > > > 66 "Got home alive."
* > > > > > > AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
* > > > > > > 17 getting to third
* > > > > > > 25 airplane sex
* > > > > > > 35 menage a trois
* > > > > > > 48 taking the company public
* > > > > > > 66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
* > > > > > > AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
* > > > > > > 17 25
* > > > > > > 25 35
* > > > > > > 35 48
* > > > > > > 48 66
* > > > > > > 66 17
* > > > > > > AGE IDEAL DATE
* > > > > > > 17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
* > > > > > > 25 "Split the check before we go to my place"
* > > > > > > 35 "Just come over."
* > > > > > > 48 "Just come over and cook."
* > > > > > > 66 Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.
THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE:
* > > > > > > AGE DRINK
* > > > > > > 17 Wine Coolers
* > > > > > > 25 White wine
* > > > > > > 35 Red wine
* > > > > > > 48 Dom Perignon
* > > > > > > 66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
* > > > > > > AGE EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
* > > > > > > 17 Need to wash my hair
* > > > > > > 25 Need to wash and condition my hair
* > > > > > > 35 Need to color my hair
* > > > > > > 48 Need to have Francois color my hair
* > > > > > > 66 Need to have Francois color my wig
* > > > > > > AGE FAVORITE SPORT
* > > > > > > 17 shopping
* > > > > > > 25 shopping
* > > > > > > 35 shopping
* > > > > > > 48 shopping
* > > > > > > 66 shopping
* > > > > > > AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
* > > > > > > 17 "Burger King"
* > > > > > > 25 "Free meal"
* > > > > > > 35 "A diamond"
* > > > > > > 48 "A bigger diamond"
* > > > > > > 66 "Home Alone"
* > > > > > > AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
* > > > > > > 17 tall, dark and handsome
* > > > > > > 25 tall, dark and handsome with money
* > > > > > > 35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
* > > > > > > 48 a man with hair
* > > > > > > 66 a man
* > > > > > > AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
* > > > > > > 17 17
* > > > > > > 25 25
* > > > > > > 35 35
* > > > > > > 48 48
* > > > > > > 66 66
* > > > > > > AGE IDEAL DATE
* > > > > > > 17 He offers to pay
* > > > > > > 25 He pays
* > > > > > > 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
* > > > > > > 48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
* > > > > > > 66 He can chew breakfast
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